Update.

Sometimes I have to sit and wonder, what would everyone's life be like if I were dead. It's a strange thing to sit and wonder about, I know. I want to be able to see people cry upon hearing of my untimely death. I want to see how they'd react to my suicide. Who would speak at my funeral? Honestly, if I could fake these things, I would. I'd place recorders throughout my family and friend's to see who actually care. I want to see who I would affect. But this of course this is all because I am sick. My brain stopped functioning and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I've been so happy and every time I'm left alone, I forget how to live. Jealousy and fear overtake all of the joy I have saved up. I'm become lost and I don't know what to do.