Regret.

verb (used with object)

1.

to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

 

According to the oh so reliable Dictionary.com, that up there is what the world regret means. It's a bit ironic how the  example sentence relates directly to me, isn't it? For those of you who read my last post, you might understand what's going down. If you don't, well that's just too damn bad.

     Everyone has gone though a stage of regret. If you haven't, well go back to your home planet you fucking alien. You're human. I'm human. We all regret something. Remeber that lottery ticket you should have bought, but didn't? Remember that dream vacation you should have taken, but didn't feel like spending a few bucks? Remember that insurance commercial that I'm trying to reference, but not doing a very good job of? Well, in maybe a month or even a year from now, I'm going to look back on this day and say, "Remeber when you told Dawson everything, but should have kept it to yourself? Yeah, you lost a friend that day." In every super lame romantic breakup movie I've seen, that let's stay friends line breaks out. Let's face it though, how often do they stay friends?

     If you can't tell, things didn't go as planned and I am a tad upset about it. If only I could just jump into a modified Delorean, punch in some numbers, and stop myself from ever telling Dawson. Or better yet, not even meet him. However, we all know that that would fuck up the space time continuum and cause a rip in...something. Then, I'd have to go back and fix everything and in the end, it would just be a huge waste of gas, but hey, if Marty McFly can do it, why can't I? Oh, because space travel is impossble, damn. Well, I'm just rambling now, and this post is a bit depressing, isnt it? This is what babysitting all day does to me. I promise the next entry won't suck as bad and will be much happier. Ta ta for now.

Awkward.

You know that moment where you're in an elevator and you have to fart really really badly, but have to hold it in because there's someone standing two feet away from you? But then with five floors left to go, you can't hold it in and explode? The first thing that hits you is regret, why oh why did I eat that five layer extra cheesey burrito from Taco Bell? Then there's that feeling of standing their for thirty seconds in that 5x8 cube of your own air shit. It's just....awkward. Yeah, you know that feeling? Well, that's sort of how I'm feeling right now.
   Perhaps that wasn't the best analogy to use, but you get my point. Or not.
   Anyways, I guess I should start at the beginning of this. There's this guy. I know, I know, whoop dee doo another teenager blogging about guy problems. It's just there's something about Dawson, he's different. I mean, if someone is important enough to end up in this stupid blog, then trust me they mean something to me. ANYWAYS, I've always had a little thing for him, even when we were young. Like in sixth grade during my awkward-er-er years I got teased a lot for, yes, being too skinny. Being the gentleman he is, he punched those hoes in the face. However, I'd never had the guts to tell him how I felt, I just kept it bottle up inside me...like a fart. And as most of you can guess what happened next, I had to let everything out.
   Now here's where all the regret comes in. Was telling Dawson the best thing to do? I mean, keeping all these emotion bottle up inside me can't be healthy right? What if he doesn't even want to stay friends? Do any of you even get this whole analogy? I know it's ridiculous to say I'm in love, I'm not... But this is the closest thing I've got and I dont want to lose it.
  So, here I am blogging in a room full of awkwardness waiting for his response. Waiting...and for now that's all I can do until he responds. What's the worst thing that can happen? He could 1. keep riding in the elevator with me until we reach the first floor, 2. pretend like he didnt hear anything, or 3.get the hell out and never talk to me again. Fingers crossed for number one.
  Well, chances are the three of you reading this wont get any of it and normally I'd go into more depth, but my phone is buzzing and I'd love to read what it says.

restarting.

Right, so if you havent noticed or it's your first time on this thing, I have deleted all of my posts. Mostly because, well, I'd like to start a new. Firstly, I've been watching a show on MTV, which is pretty weird since its full of orange people getting drunk, fat pregnant whores, and werewolves. However, there is one show that I've really been getting into. Awkward. And if you know me in real life, well, you'd know that's the show for me...minus all the super weird sex they have. Anyways, in the show the main character blogs about her life. And starting soon, thats what I'm going to be doing on here, but all cool and story like. Of course, names will be changed and chances are I'll over do things, but you guys will get the jist of it.